Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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