you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
