HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
