Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm at about main and main street
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
