And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
