It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
