I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
