the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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