o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
