Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
