Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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