I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
