im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
