Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
