that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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