My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
