It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
