She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
