Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
