She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
