I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
