no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
