What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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