Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
