Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
