I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
