Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
