i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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