She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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