went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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