no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
