The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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