so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
