wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
false alarm, still single
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