dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I could fuck to npr.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
