so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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