doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
