tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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