i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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