So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
