im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
