I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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