your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
