Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
