I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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