I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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