lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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