I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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