Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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