do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
